When I Stopped Running, I Found My Power. Here’s How.
Usha Anandi. 27| NOVEMBER| 2025
For most of my life, my coping strategy was simple: run.
Run from conflict, shame, or anything that threatened to reveal the parts of me I’d spent years stuffing down.
If something felt too intense, too wild, too “unacceptable,” I booked flights, ended relationships, and just went back to reinventing myself from scratch a thousand times over. I became a professional escape artist.
It looked brave on the outside – moving across the world, trying on new identities, chasing spiritual experiences – but inside? I was really just running from my own darkness.
Turns out, your darkness is the one thing you can never truly outrun.
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It wasn’t until I became a mother that I finally hit a wall. I had this tiny being who depended on me, and for the first time, I couldn’t leave.
I couldn’t run off to the jungle or the mountains or a different relationship. I had to stay and feel through all the terrible, daunting thoughts that I’d eluded for so long. There was no two-week ticket to Another Version of Me anymore, and that was terrifying.
I found myself in the middle of a night feeding, with the moon slicing through the blinds, realizing I couldn’t escape myself anymore.
So I did something I had never done before: I turned inward.
I sat with my pain, my rage, my grief, my shame, and stopped outsourcing my power to mentors, men, healers, or plane tickets. I learned to take refuge in the one place I hadn’t thought to look my entire life: my womb.
In Sanskrit, the womb space is called Svadhisthana, which translates to “one’s own dwelling.” It’s called that for a deeper reason that modern times have forced women to forget. Your womb is the place you return to when everything else falls away.
The sisterhood continues.
And when I finally sat on that throne rather than running from it, something miraculous happened: I met a version of myself I had never known.
The songs echo in kitchens and bedrooms long after we return home.
And she was INCREDIBLE. She wasn’t defined by shame or “good girl” conditioning, and didn’t feel the overwhelming urge to be palatable in the name of appeasing men.
When I embraced her, I understood: only she could break the patterns my lineage had been carrying for generations.
This is what I want every woman to know.
Your darkness is your portal, and when you stop abandoning yourself and start turning inward, you free all the generations before and after you. The world doesn’t need your good behavior – it needs your authentic, magnetic self to come out.
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