10 Fibroids Gone:
What I Learned From My Womb
My womb 3.5 weeks after surgery
Nicole Pemberton. 14 | JUL | 2020
They were about to cut into my body and all I could do was pray.
While I was lying on that table. I was not in control. I had to submit the physical care of my womb to my team of healthcare professionals.
If you’ve been through the aftermath of pregnancy or any abdominal surgery you’ll understand the healing journey is intense. Though it’s also an incredible process that teaches you so much about your womb and feminine body.
Though this knowledge for me did not come until I went through the process of removing fibroids from my womb. The unfolding of experiences shared by fellow women and myself ignited a fire in me.
I wanted to know; why this is so common for Black women and women of color?
I was frustrated that there were so few options for women to be proactive in the healing process.
I was blown away by how many women had some of the same experiences as me!
I was now looking at movement in a whole different way. It’s a healing modality too.
The more I read, studied and had conversations with other women the more fascinated I became.
There is so much depth to the womb. Even calling my belly the WOMB, that shift in language was transformative. Fortunately, we are now starting to truly understand the centre of the feminine body.
And this is one of the main reasons I do this work and continue to honor the sacred space of the womb.
I remember being wheeled away from my dad as he stood at the automatic door, waved bye and put on a brave smile. I believe the smile was for love, to give me comfort and for him, a prayer that everything was going to be okay. As the nurses pushed the steel cart I was lying on, I saw the doors of the hallway and passed them one by one. Finally, the last one appeared as the cart came to a stop. I was there, it was time.
In the operating room, nurses, my doctor, assistants and anesthesiologist were prepping. Through the glare of the big halogen lights shining down on me, I looked over at the table and saw several steel instruments lined up for use.
This was not the kind of spotlight one dreams of. I was about to have surgery on my womb.
All I could do was say my positive affirmations that everything was going to be alright. I told my gynaecologist to please take care of me and do their absolute best to keep my uterus intact to keep me whole and healthy.
I put my trust in them.
When I woke up, I heard babies being born – maybe three… I was in a room where women were having c-sections.
I was thankful to wake up from surgery but what I really wanted to know was did everything go smoothly? Do I still have my uterus? Is my womb intact? Am I ok?
My doctor came in shortly and he said the magic words, we got them. It took longer than planned but we got them.
We removed all of them.
10 massive fibroids gone.
A wave of relief came over me. When he said I still had my uterus, I was overjoyed. To know it was still in my body and was healing…
I wanted to do a happy dance except I couldn’t because I was full of drugs and low on iron… but I imagined doing it in my head.
My dad and partner came in to see me. They both kissed me on the forehead and smiled, told me they loved me, and that they were happy I was alright.
You’re gonna be okay, they said.
When you’re laying in a hospital bed and vulnerable, that’s all you want to hear. Because, during those hard times, your loved ones are there to help you heal like a warm, comforting blanket.
Photo Credit: Pixabay
This journey with my womb taught me so much…
I will never again take for granted the intricacies of the digestive system and intestinal system. Being able to digest food properly, go to the bathroom with comfort and ease is a gift.
I will never take for granted walking. Having to walk at a slower speed really puts into perspective how much we speed through life.
I will never again devalue the centre of my body, my womb.
Through this journey, I learned to regard my centre as my womb. Previously, I only knew the womb through biblical terms- the fruit of thy womb, Mother Mary womb
To call my center my womb, the womb, my womb space completely transformed its vibration.
Through this journey, I reclaimed the honor of my sacred womb space.
My womb, the cosmic sacred space that is mystical, magical, resourceful and full of energy.
For me, to regard and relate to my womb as more than just a space for birthing bodies was mind-blowing. When I learned about the wisdom of the menstrual cycle, it was a life-changing revelation.
To learn you don’t have to experience pain during your menstrual cycle was for me an anomaly because I’d never in my life bled without it.
This journey graced me with the gift of learning how to accept help, rest in stillness, appreciate pause, and of course – to REST!
The biggest breakthrough in this process was to REALLY understand how I viewed my value and worthiness of myself.
Our womb is always speaking to us, but often it has to raise its voice in order for us to listen.
In order for me to listen, my womb and my body had to make it obvious I needed to pay attention.
When I first discovered my womb imbalance I felt so frustrated and annoyed. I’m a dance artist – I move and express all the time.
By doing this I thought I was embracing my femininity, I thought I was moving my energy through my physical practices… so how could something like this happen to me?
As I was forced to rest and draw inward, the biggest lesson of WHY this all happened came to me… of course, at first, I resisted.
Because if you wanna make the Divine laugh, tell them how you want to be in control of the process. Their response will be “aww, that’s cute.”
I had no choice but to surrender. My body wanted and needed to rest, heal, and recalibrate.
By reciting the words of the 13th Rite of the Womb from the Munay-Ki tribe, it reminds us of the sacred power of the womb. A simple sentence yields a deep profound knowing “The womb is not a place to store fear and pain; the womb is to create and give birth to life”.
Photo Credit: Jordyn Gesseron
Through my journey, I realized my womb was holding a lot of fear and pain. After looking at the list below, you may discover that yours might be too…
By holding onto:
- Emotions experiences that have not been fully processed and healed
- Peoples energies
- Stories that do not serve or belong to us
- Holding onto the pain of hurt, rejection, shame, judgement, suppression, blame, unworthiness, lack
- Giving too much than deserving to receive
- Overstepping of boundaries
- Devaluing our gifts, power and ourselves
We store fear and pain within our bodies.
When we hold onto these emotions, it brings our frequencies down. It goes against the beautiful loving design of what we truly are. Through stubbornness, unwillingness or not being aware of holding onto these things we can create imbalances in the womb.
When I started suffering from my imbalance I was not fully appreciating myself. There were a lot of emotions that had not been resolved. I did not allow myself to be vulnerable and raw. Walls were put up and boundaries were not honoured. I would give, give and give some more. I would run myself into the ground for other people. Yet I wouldn’t give to myself.
My ambition to succeed in life was too high. It was also detrimental to my health. Even though I was working hard to succeed. I was in survival mode. My body was in tension. I thought if I just worked harder and took every opportunity I could get; I would be appreciated and accepted more.
My drive came at a cost because I was imbalanced from the inside. I was working towards external validation. I ignored the signs and messages my body was giving me to slow down until it became unbearable.
I was disconnected from my body.
In our fast paced society, we learn to value:
- Convenience over quality
- Concrete over trees
- Man made over nature
And these are just some examples that have caused the feminine body to disconnect from what is innately inside of it.
We look outward instead of inward. By doing this we add to fear and pain within the womb space.
Our social culture celebrates sacrifice, no sleep and working yourself to exhaustion to get what we want in life. Of course in life, we do have to work for what we want. But, I ran with that programming and It ran me to the ground overwhelmed and exhausted.
There was no time to be still. I had too much to do! So I didn’t sleep enough and I worked until I couldn’t work anymore.
I was very much immersed in my masculine side. My feminine side was not given that much space to breathe.
Photo Credit: Melissa Robin Photography
How do we create and give birth to life?
The energetic systems in the body connect and interact with one another to create flow and harmony in the body. The systems, muscles, vessels, organs bones, fascia, skin are supported together. It is safe to say with confidence that the centre of all of it is the womb.
The womb is the centre of life.
The womb weaves intricately with all areas of the physical, mental, spiritual and energetic body.
- We give birth to our dreams, inspirations, ideas, creativity.
- We give birth to children.
- We give birth to ourselves every month through the shedding of the endometrial lining.
- We create love through the union of the yoni and lingam through the sacred yoni portal.
- We feed on the energy from mama Gaia, through connections, ingestion of plant goodness, and cleansing sacred waters.
- We give birth to the pleasures of life, play, community and artistic expression.
- We give honour to practices that support the intimate nature of our bodies.
Some might think yeah that is all nice and ethereal. But this does not happen in our modern world.
However, as visionaries of the womb revolution, we get to shout out and say but we are changing that now!
Connecting with our wombs is the very basis of our existence. Once we have created this connection we can return to the deep care and acknowledgement of the womb and we will recognize it’s power and dance and move in its splendor.
“The earth, The wind, The water, The fire…RETURN, RETURN, RETURN, RETURN….”
We are being called to remember what is true.
We are being called to feel the sensual orgasmic energetic force.
We are being called to return to the honour of the womb space.
We are being called to deep connection in self and community.
We are being called to enjoy financial wealth and abundance.
We are being called to dance and sing.
We are being called to LOVE!
When I was reflecting on my matriarchal lineage and connecting the dots about how the women in my family grew up. I thought about the environment and the generational time they were in. The women in my family were hard-working, strong, feisty, loving and nurturing.
They did what they had to do to survive and provide for their families as best as they could.
Every generation wants a better life for their children. They don’t want them to go through hard times.
I remember when I was 15 or 16 and home from a track meet, my dad said we had to go to the hospital. Everything was fine, but we had to visit my mom.
I did not know then, but my mom had a hysterectomy. She was recovering from surgery when I saw her. I think back now and I’m sure my mother did not want me to go through that experience or similar. She wanted the cycle to stop with her.
Well, now it stops with me.
As empowered women, we cannot be complacent with not knowing how our bodies work. Taking our power back and being active participants in our womb health is to do the deep work. We must seek knowledge. Understand the systems that we must break down.
- Do you give yourself the space to honour your full presence in this world?
- How often do you pour love onto yourself?
- Are you giving to others more than you receive?
- Do you feel that you are good enough as you are, right now?
- Are you expressing your true gifts that light you up?
Today and every day we must place an exceptionally high honour of ourselves and the feminine body.
If you would like support, a sacred safe container to go deeper into the wisdom of your womb? Connect with Nicole for a 1:1 Womb Wisdom Illumination session
Bio: Nicole Pemberton
Nicole is driven to express and share the wisdom from the womb. She stands for disrupting ancestral patterns, transforming the relationship with the womb/body, divine sovereignty, igniting the pleasure and creativity within us, and advocacy for all. Through The Goddess Moves, she weaves movement alchemy to guide and support massive shifts.
Liberate your womb – Liberate your life!